One of the biggest issues with Michelle’s condition has
been her seizures. They are the most life threatening symptom that she has had
to deal with so far and the scariest for the rest of us to watch and deal with.
With constant trips to see doctors, specialists and emergency rooms, the fear
is only exceeded by frustration of knowing not enough is being done.
|
Michelle while hospitalized in 2013 |
Michelle began having seizures at age 2, but at the time
we had no idea what they were. At that time I thought seizures were only the
Tonic Clonic or Grand Mal seizures you see on TV and these were more like
hiccups and blank stares, which ended up being Clonic and Absence seizures. Other
types of seizure also appeared over the years in different forms that we
assumed were anything other than a seizure attributed to being tired or cold or
anything except seizures. It wasn’t until she was 5, when she had one in front
of her doctor that we were told what they really were and we missed 3 years to
act on them.
According
to Epilepsy.com there are about 40 types of seizures and from that list,
Michelle has had 13 of them. While she was younger, most of them were small and
simple, nothing too scary, but we wondered what kind of an effect they had on
her in the long run. Would they get worse? Would they make her worse? Would
they kill her? There were so many thoughts running in my head and there were
times my worst fears played out.
One
time she had a seizure upstairs while I was downstairs and I didn’t know until
after the fact. The position she was in prevented her from breathing. I had no
clue what was happening until I came upstairs and saw her eyes and the sign she
had been without oxygen for a time. I had her checked out and she was fine. She
dodged a bullet.
Another
time at school in the pool she had a seizure and went under water. Thankfully
there were teachers next to her and were able to get her out in a few seconds.
Another trip to the ER confirmed she had taken a small amount of water in her
lungs. She was OK but she stayed home for 5 days with a prescription of high
grade antibiotics to prevent pneumonia. Other incidences have occurred, such as
her falling out of bed, but my mind often races to the worst each time it
happens.
For
some time her seizures had been under control after her hospitalization 3 years
ago. However last September they returned with Nocturnal Seizures, Grand Mals
that occur while she is asleep. Appointments were made immediately and my
wishful thinking was in overdrive. She was seen by her pediatric neurologist
from one of the top children’s hospitals in the country and we began the slow
process of medication adjustments and logging each seizure.
Michelle:
Tonic Clonic
May,
27 04:53
37
seconds
Fell
off the bed, wet herself, was able to speak again at 05:07
I’ve
become a very light sleeper because of this. Every thump, every strange noise
coming from her direction I jump to. I’m by her side each time, making sure she
can breathe, she’s not injured, stripping her bed, changing her sheets and
making sure she can get up and be cleaned up if necessary.
The
only thing I don’t do anymore is panic. I’m well passed that. After all this
time I know what’s to be expected. I’m mentally counting the moment I hear a
noise whether it’s a seizure or not and all I can do is wait it out. I’m
totally helpless when they occur and although I’ve accepted this, I’m nowhere
near alright with it. All I can do is what I’m already doing and hope the next
medication adjustment is the right one and they stop again.