Michelle
has been experiencing far too many emotional meltdowns than I’m used to. These
meltdowns happen at random moments, without warning and constantly shift on
severity. The more I think I have figured out the culprit to what the cause
might be, I’m quickly proven wrong. Chalk it up to teenaged hormones, her
medication, the TSC messing with her brain or all of the above but in the end
it still comes down to I’m a guy trying to figure out how a woman thinks. . . .
On an insane level.
This morning alone I have seen two meltdowns and one
manic laughing fit within a span of five hours. The first meltdown was at 6:30
this morning. She came into my room bawling in tears and screaming like she had
a night terror bordering on an encounter with Freddy Kruger. Instead the cause
had to do something about Woody from Toy Story, but she was babbling so much
that I have no idea why. I held her and calmed her down until I convinced her
that she had to go back to bed because the sun wasn’t even up yet. She complied
and we were able to get another hour of sleep before she burst in my room again
laughing hysterically. Now these aren’t so bad although they can be a little
creepy at times. Being woken up in the middle of the night to a kid maniacally
laughing is more unsettling than having it happen at four in the afternoon. Finally
her last meltdown this morning was her yelling at something in the kitchen.
After a while I finally got her to calm down enough for her to tell me that she
wanted her to go away. I thought it had to do with one of the photos on the refrigerator
so I had to get up and show me which on. It turns out it had nothing to do with
a photo but the digital clock next to them that no longer had the number “5”.
That took a while to calm her down.
It’s frustrating at times dealing with her. Although she
is mentally challenged, there are other parts that are your basic teenager.
Back talking is the newest teenaged action she’s learned. More recently I am no
longer “Dad” but instead I’m the evil oppressor that only says no to make her
life miserable. Even when I try to explain the reason I’m saying no or go
against her wishes, she will hear none of it. Those moments she’s a typical
teenager. Unfortunately there is only so much I can deal with and I’ve yelled
back.
Yes I’ve felt like a jerk right after, especially when I’ve
said something mean in anger. It makes it worse when I realize I’m yelling at a
teenager who’s mentally at the level of a 5 year old and not a fifteen year
old, angst filled young woman. It’s the equivalent of kicking a puppy.
What have I learned? I make mistakes, I screw up and I
have to learn from them. The first thing I learned was from advice by my
mother. Sometimes there is nothing you can say that will make it better but
showing that you’re there for her is all she wants. I also learned that a long
hug works most of the time and finally there are times she needs to have a
meltdown and she needs the space to do it. Basically she needs what we all
need. And I learned that I need to just have patience. Sometimes more than
usual.
