Socializing and Expectations

It has been three months since Michelle was hospitalized for her seizures and so far she’s been seizure free. Her appetite has returned and her mood swings are decreasing. Things are now returning to normal, or at least my normal.

On a normal day Michelle never leaves the house unless we were going out somewhere as a family. The kids in our neighborhood know her but they’ve never had any real interaction with her except when we’re at the community pool. But even then, her language skills prevent her from having any real conversation with anyone. At school, her best friend is a girl named Jessica who is a non-verbal autistic. On the outside they look like an odd couple, Michelle who can talk all day in her own syntax of English and Jessica whose emotional responses are made by grunts, screams and rapid movements. They have no dialog with each other but they bond better than most friends can. This is the one place Michelle has real social interaction.

As much as I should see this as a great thing, I sometimes see it as a reality adjustment. Michelle isn’t the average 15 year old girl I thought I was going to raise when she was born. I expected that Michelle would be starting the 10^th grade, have a group of friends who she’d be hanging out with, boys she’d have a crush on and we would have our bonding moments and arguments over rules I set in a futile attempt at being overprotective. The reality is that all I have are bonding moments and arguments and those are still not what I expected. Bonding moments I have are accompanied by items to distract her when she doesn’t want to do something with me anymore because of a short attention span. And arguments are based on me telling her no or when she has a meltdown (which I guess is like a normal teenager).

In the end I have to remind myself that although things aren’t anywhere near what I expected, it’s still parenthood. There are several adjustments I need to make as she grows up but it’s never changed the fact that she’s my daughter and I love her. Now I just need to figure out what we’re going to do next.